Even with a good career and all the “adult milestones” I don’t feel like an actual adult. I feel like I’m pretending to know what I’m doing. Anyone else experience this?
Only when I go to stand up after squatting for a time.
I’m in this comment and I don’t like it…
Wait, y’all can still squat?!
Well, going down isn’t the problem here …
This. I’ve got a family, a mortgage, debt and everything else that goes with adulthood. My aching joints are the only thing that makes me feel like an adult.
Yep. I sneezed and now my back hurts.
No one has any idea what they’re doing.
I’m 35. I’ve got two kids. I make it up as I go along. There’s no plan, no blueprint. There’s just the day to day crap that life has for us all. I wake up, I go to work and my only real aim is to get home to my kids and partner.
Agreed. I’m 40 and I’ve reached a point where I feel like an adult. The biggest piece of that is that I understand that we’re all just making it up and figuring things out.
Imposter syndrome is also an intrinsic part of feeling like you aren’t an adult. Most of us experience this frequently - we have that feeling that everyone knows more than us and it makes us feel like we are fakes. But in reality, we just know more about ourselves and the gaps in our knowledge. We assume that they they know more than they do because we aren’t in their head and they aren’t expressing all the uncertainty and doubt hiding in there.
I think there is a pretty big difference between hearing people like you and me say “everyone is just making it up” and really internalizing that. I think internalization comes with time - you can believe something conceptually but often need to see it in practice over and over to really believe it in your bones.
There are other factors, too, which come with age and experience. Adults on the younger side are constantly running into new adult things and not knowing how to do those things is going to created this self doubt. “If I were an adult, I’d know how to do an insurance claim” or whatever. With further age, you will learn these things and have fewer of these doubts.
Copium
My answer is still the same as this question was asked last time. I still feel no different than my teenage self until I meet some actual teenagers, and and there is nothing that makes me feel more like an adult than when I realize they are just kids, immature and wide-eyed, and the me of now is actually nothing like the teenage me I still think I am.
Being an adult means having grown-up responsibilities, you can no longer be the selfish, carefree child you used to be when there are people depending on you in this cruel, cynical world. Yet in spite of all this, you don’t have to give it all up, there should still be times where you can take a break from being an adult, and with the life experiences you didn’t have before, rediscover that sense of wonder, hope, and sincerity that you thought you’ve lost in a brand new light.
And that’s what Barbie was really about.
I read your last sentence. Then noticed your username 😯
I said it months ago, I’m here to shitpost and promote Barbie, and now that the strike is over, I’ve got an Oscar to win this year.
Barbie 2 confirmed?
There is a paradox of confidence.
The people most confident in their competence tend to be the least competent in practice.
The Dunning–Kruger effect.
Self-cheerleaders tend to be morons, the most intelligent people by their nature tend to second guess their own abilities. Idiots just stroll through life taking whatever credit they can grab.
“The only thing I know is that I know nothing, and i am no quite sure that i know that.”
-Socrates
"Throughout my life, my two greatest assets have been mental stability and being, like, really smart.’
-Donald Trump
See the difference? By genuinely doubting, aka examining your abilities, you are in more competent company.
Early 50s here and no, absolutely not. I still feel like I’m an immature teen inside my head, wondering what the hell happened.
looks in the mirror
…fuck
Not once in my 45 years.
I feel like a decaying 16 year old.
I feel like a decaying 16 year old.
So much this. You don’t get old, you break down.
Your mind still thinks you’re young, and then gets rudely reminded of the truth from time to time, that reminder coming more often as you wear down more.
Wake up, Jump out of bed excited for the day.
Horrific crunching noise from your knee, and a snap from your back that sounds like an industrial 3 foot thick rubberband snapping quickly bringing you back to reality as you collapse against the foot of your bed in agony. shaky hand reaching desperately for the tylenol and bottle of water you keep on your nightstand just for this moment, before hobbling into the bathroom to take the first of several morning shits, each more horrific than the last.
The spirit is willing, but the flesh is decrepit and aged beyond usefulness.
Even worse, now Tylenol is dangerous for us abd we have to be very careful how much we ingest.
We definitely need better human mechanics.
except I still have to take tylenol because I cant take ibuprofen with certain medical conditions I have.
and speaking of medical conditions, Holy fuck, why do we start collecting medical conditions like pokemon once we hit 30?
except I still have to take tylenol because I cant take ibuprofen with certain medical conditions I have.
Blood thinners?
and speaking of medical conditions, Holy fuck, why do we start collecting medical conditions like pokemon once we hit 30?
They increase exponentially as you get older.
One day you’ll feel like a decaying 30 year old 😌
Just turned 30. I have a house, a kid and a wife. I still don’t feel like an “Adult”
show-off
Really all you have to do is hang out with some co-workers in their early 20s. Nothing makes you feel like an adult like sitting at the kids table, listening to their problems. Realizing you can’t relate.
Hard agree. Im 52 and most of my friends average about 30ish. Thing is I can relate, but due to extra time in the game of life, I have made a peace with the challenges younger people still fight with. Still the proximity of youth is a valuable perspective. I treasure my younger friends for this and many other reasons.
Still the proximity of youth is a valuable perspective. I treasure my younger friends for this
“Out of the mouth of babes” is a phrase that is usually associated with very young children speaking to adults, but really it means a younger generation talking to an older generation, and makes a lot of sense to listen to.
New perspectives and new ideas influence and help growth for all.
I think it’s relative.
But yes it’s valuable. Even at only 30 years old, I often learn from the 8th graders I teach.
Adults overcomplicate things and rationalize bad decisions. All it takes sometimes is one kid with a “naive” outlook to ask, “Why would you be friends with someone you don’t like?”
Then you think, yeah… Why would I?
Im 30, have a full-time salaried job, two kids, own a house… I have no idea what the fuck I’m doing I just want to play games and touch myself.
You are not alone at all.
Same at 40
I feel like we are what we are, and that will probably never change lol
Its not just you, everyone waking up , going to work is pretending. Thats what adult life looks like. You pretend to keep your boss happy, society happy and people around you happy.
52 here, and I’m like you…
I was really hoping once I hit 50 the feeling would go away
Heey 1971 ?!
None of us know what’s going on. It’s ok.
Life is like quantum mechanics. Anyone who says they understand it is lying and shouldn’t be trusted.
Keep it up nobody can tell.
People glorify adulting as some kind of ultimate maturity for ones self. It is not that. Adulting is predicting what can and won’t be your life. Surviving better each day. While also keeping after yourself in a healthy manner.
We are always growing until we die. Adulting is accepting what can be and what can’t be and living with yourself.
Perceive reality as it is and accept the successes and failures along the way.
One day you will see people for what they are and are not. That day your awareness of the world will change.
I’ve noticed it has become easier to see liers as I’ve gotten older and mentally ill people.
“I’ve noticed it has become easier to see liers as I’ve gotten older and mentally ill people.”
Sometimes I wonder if we are all mentally ill. Some might say those thoughts stem from depression or such but it makes more sense to me that sanity is a spectrum where 0 and 10 are near unreachable. We make decisions that won’t help ourself, but we excuse it because we think it will make us happy at the time. Chasing happiness ultimately seems like an act outside of sanity.
I believe it is easier to see mentally ill people because I was depressed at one point and noticing the behaviors is easier. While I don’t subscribe to the “we are all mentally ill” frame of mind, I do believe that it is a good majority of humans.
I believe that chasing happiness is ultimately impossible. However, being happy with ones self and coming to terms with your reality and accepting what you can and cannot change is possible. Do not dwell on what you cannot change and change what you can.
I have noticed through my own actions and the action of others that we limit ourselves through self sabotage. If we sabotage ourselves and stop ourselves from actually failing then we already know the outcome and cannot be more discouraged than if we actually try. This is why I say accept failure and learn from it. “It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not a weakness. That is life” -Jean-Luc Picard
The Kobyashi Maru teaches a false lesson though. Complacency. While learning to be humble has value, learning to accept the current status quo as permanent is not acceptable either unless you believe it to be perfect. Haha. That was what Kirk reminded them of I believe, I’m rusty though
Edit: also. Thanks for the kind words. Easy to forget to say thank you sometimes.
I would say that most things in life are changeable. Being happy with yourself doesn’t mean you stop striving to be better. It means you accept yourself for your faults and all. Strive to be a better version of yourself every day no matter how small. Start small changes and build up.
I hear people say “You are perfect just the way you are” but that isn’t true. Perfection is a goal to never be achieved but is always sought after.
I do not speak to the aspects of our political landscape or the position of our society but the framing of our lives and how we can effect it.
In fact I found quite a bit more happiness and perspective when I seperated myself from political and societal issues.
I appreciate your candor in these talks.
