I’ve (also Canadian) heard it as “better than a kick in the pants”

This one has gotten me through some some patches, especially for a couple of specific things. One has completely turned around, and I’m glad I waited it out. The other still creates some stress, but there are rewards along the way.

If there were no rewards to reap

(I must keep reminding myself of this) (repeats)

No loving embrace to see me through

This tedious path I’ve chosen here

I certainly would’ve walked away

By now

And I still may

And I still may

And I’m

Gonna wait it out

Wait it out

Edit: Edited some repetitive lyrics for brevity

You say that like it’s the one “high priority” ticket that the one big project is waiting on. In a sea of backlogged high priority issues attached to critical projects, being an asshat means that yours will be at the bottom of the 100 other super-important, my job-is-special tickets.

It takes more distance to stop with an empty trailer? I would have thought the opposite. How come?

NM, saw your reply below. Thanks.

“Big Dreams, Little Outcomes”

Or

“Sailing the Seas of Mediocrity” WARNING: Contents not as exciting as the title.

Depressed? Buy these meds! Or spend your money on these therapies, visit these Facebook pages/YouTube channels where we can show you more ads under the guise of providing advice.

Monkey? Buy this chic barrel! Visit your jungle homeland by booking through this travel site.

They want to know everything about you so they can sell you (and everyone who fits in the same bucket as you) very specific things that you’re more likely to buy.

Whataboutism?

"I found something better, but I’m not able to divulge what it is at this time. "

Or

“You! You’re the reason I’m quitting.”

“I won the lottery! No, you can’t have any.”

Or, Give each of them a different reason and watch them go crazy trying to figure it out.

19 years, 5 months, 21 days, 16 hours, and 23 minutes.

If the material world survived, living in a large city, I could probably scavenge for non-perishable foods for quite some time.

If it’s a nuclear wasteland and I’m fending off mutants, I guess it depends on how many caps and nuka-cola I can find.

Congrats! You’re human.

Nope. And I won’t ask you which one, cuz still nope.

The Cable Guy with Jim Carrey. I thought it was hilarious.

Actually, I think I’d prefer the god of gapes.