maybe this will work

...

...

...

linting and unit tests

Also, apparently the party of “humans can affect climate”.

Yeah, the goddamn wooden spoon. I remember being noisy in a crib and my mom storming into the room screaming and busting the spoon in half on the side of the crib. She’d already hit me with it so I knew exactly what it meant. I got spoons, open hand, and hairbrushes for most of my childhood. Hair pulling, pinching, and ear-twisting too if we were in a situation where she couldn’t just haul off and hit me.

The funny thing is, she called me up about a decade ago and asked if I could remember anything about my childhood that was bad. And rather than list everything off, I told her about the time she broke the spoon on the crib. That’s when I found out that it hadn’t happened at all, and in fact if it had happened it was because the spoon was old and brittle and if she’d done anything at all it would have been a light tap on the side of the crib to get my attention, and now that she remembers it yeah that’s exactly what happened. It just fell apart in her hands. We didn’t talk for a few years because of that and other things.

After my daughter was born, she sent us a package that included two beautiful olivewood spoons from Israel. I use the fuckers when I’m making pasta. She calls or texts every once in a while warning me about protecting my daughter dark, evil things in the world. This usually happens when she sees a picture of my kid playing with a toy spider or a halloween skull. And I just chuckle and agree that there are dark, evil things in the world and I’m doing my damndest to protect her from them.

This dovetails nicely with my theory that Jesus hasn’t come back yet because we invented the nailgun.

Not the flex he thinks it is.

A thing that hallucinates uncompilable code but somehow convinces your boss it’s a necessary tool.

Pretty sure Jesus was a stoner and party monster. He was always getting invited to rich guys’ houses for dinner and the Pharisees always accused him of being drunk when he argued with them. His favorite woman was a lady of negotiable affection. Plus, only a stoner could come up with “yeah but, you’ve got a whole log in your eye, maaaan.”

Why they gotta do Marika dirty like that?

And he gets all icky when he sees blood.

J. D. Vance sounds like a men’s big & tall outlet with weird font on their sign.

I always forget about that. Also we call anoraks “windbreakers”, which…

Sometimes my mom calls a fanny pack a strap-on. This is like that.

Oh same, and we need more dems like her in general, but I’m not going to be too disappointed when she chases Pelosi’s job instead.

AOC wants to be Speaker, not President.

Pretty much yeah. I was going to say an episode of Fear Factor but same thing.

If you read it the right way, the book of Jonah reads like a really weird episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm.

Yeah. Also, superficially good looking people can still be sketchy weirdos. Vibe, context, and prior relationship are much more important than looks. Of course, some people can’t get their head around this and start blaming literally anything else: their height, their bone structure, a worldwide conspiracy against them. It’s crazy.

Or, like, make mana fall from heaven or give the pastors the occasional plague of quail to handle food requirements.

Source: how it went the first time

I became a dad late (around middle age) and was telling dad jokes way before that. My theory is it’s less about becoming a father and more about getting older and just wanting to annoy people for my own amusement.