I feel so young right now—I know what it means.

🍆 = I want your dick
🍑 = Between these cheeks
🥵 = Because I’m so hot for you I’m gagging for it right now

Of course we do, ‘cause nukes. /s

Or, just hear me out—you could throw the whole thing away and try to never think about the maggots again.

But…why did she do it?

As somebody who goes to Juarez several times per week and has also traveled extensively throughout Mexico, cartel violence typically does not reach the average tourist, just like how people who go to New York are unlikely to actually see the mob. I have experienced more hassle from police than gangs, and even that is usually a cursory questioning and pocket check for drugs.

15 years ago, there were some cities that were in the middle of organized crime wars, and sometimes things spilled over into public where civilians could get hurt. This created a lot of heat for the cartels, and more recently they have mostly been operating under the radar or in remote neighborhoods again.

The bigger risk than violence is kidnapping, but even that doesn’t tend to get aimed at the tourist population due to the international backlash it would cause.

If you keep your wits about you, travel in Ubers that you order rather than unmarked cabs, and don’t except drinks from strangers, then Mexico can be a wonderful adventure. The Mexican people have been mostly extremely good to me, and I refuse to cut them off as dangerous just because the news tries to tell me so.

What the fuck is the pressure setting on your bidet???

I’d be behind this if the Vatican weren’t already wealthy beyond belief. They can totally afford to upkeep their own property, and if their aim is truly charity, then admission should be free.

I was there, Gandalf!

Sam Peppers event has been great content for viewers, and total hell for Ice Poseidon and Kick, exactly as the gods intended. I hope they do this style event again, but who knows at this point.

If we’re lucky, Trump will end up like the Menendez parents. /s

Thanks, I appreciate that. It’s a weird thing when two intelligent people with good intentions suddenly experience a breakdown in communication, but I’m hoping that is what the counseling can help with.

I’m glad you had that chance. Marriage is something I never particularly wanted, but I was brought around to the idea by a different lady. Now we are in counseling and things are on the rocks…I think I may still not believe in marriage, but I respect everyone’s right to choose for themselves.

Folks. It’s Big Tex approved. Come at me, bro. /s

As a man who has used the term partner in a heterosexual relationship, sometimes it is nice to have a term that implies a bigger commitment than “girlfriend” when you have no intention of marriage. That was definitely how I used it—to convey that this woman doesn’t have a ring, but I give her maximum authority when it comes to my affairs.

Have you forwarded the port plex is using for connections?

Found the Russian bot. /s

I tried it. Basically all the time. Turned out to be a nightmare pretty quick. Don’t recommend unless you have exceptional communication skills and a lot of self confidence.

Tennis is more activity than I would have thought him capable of.

But why did your parents have an underground Radon cavern?

As a kid, I would see hundreds of them around bushes and trees. Now I see one or two per summer.

But that’s all gods plan, right?

Eat the snail.