Ananääs

From looms to wrooms, why not!

Could be basically any japanese company 😅

How bout the where ever you are larm?

I once found a fake Harry Potter book named Harry Potter and Deatbly Hallows, probably just a pirated version of the actual book, never read it, but funny to not spell-check the name.

Oh boi this is so relatable. It seems that I’ve been running on anxiety my whole life.

For me it seems to help that I find validation and reasons for those feelings (eg from videos explaining why ADHD or CPTSD causes such behaviors and thought patterns) and through that understanding internalize that there is always a reason for everything and no, the reason is not that I’m a shitty person.

Allowing myself to stim helps, I didn’t even realize how much I’ve been blocking it.

I think the most noticeable help from the meds is in social situations, but also the fact that I can always “play the AuDHD card” helps - given that the people are safe enough to reveal this diagnosis.

I process thoughts and feelings by doing physical things so evening walks are super important to clear some of the chaos inside my head.

My SO is also on the spectrum but in a way opposite of me that they don’t really have strict rules and schedules to keep their life together like I do, so we learn from each other: I try to give more space to things that cause me anxiety and over all loosen my grip, and they try to create more structure in their life.

Also conscious choices on what to ruminate and what not is sometimes helpful: do I REALLY need to think about this right now?

If I’m full of chaos or anxiety when I go to bed I have a conversation in my head with an imaginary friend that will validate my feelings and experiences and tell me what I need to hear. It gives a different perspective which can be helpful.

So many things yet to understand and the re-learning is just in the beginning, but even so it feels like a big change already! The years of neglecting myself have taken their toll for sure but I hope there’s still hope left.

This july I finally realized that I have no choice but consciously change the ways I think and react to things. There has been plenty of difficult things in my life the last couple of years and after experiencing a burnout (again, I understood afterwards it’s not the first time but hasn’t been this bad before) this summer I had to look myself in the mirror and decide to start making changes, things can’t go on like this anymore, I can’t keep on living like this anymore. It’s sad that it seems often these realizations only come when one hits the bottom in a way or another.

I’ve been to a 3-year therapy and tried meds and so on, I’m sure they “paved the path” but didn’t help me comprehend why I have these troubles that I have and didn’t give me the understanding/empathy towards myself and others that is needed to actually change the thought and reaction models that are problematic, especially anger and shame issues.

Anyways I’ve been looking at videos on youtube about CPTSD and they have helped me a lot. Especially I find Tim Fletcher’s videos useful as he thoroughly looks into the underlying issues and different ways CPTSD shows up in people, just the facts as they are. He’s kind of an old school lecturer type guy, nothing fancy and shiny (needs to be taken with a grain of salt though as he doesn’t seem to have understanding on ADHD/autism and has religious aspects in some of his videos).

Of course being recently diagnosed with ADHD gives more light to why I’m the way I am. But now I’ve been able to start to work on my stuff from a different angle and it seems to take an effect! A difficult and rocky path but I suppose the first steps are the hardest.

Feels.

Also: Under-stimulated -> anxiety -> Have To Do Something, Anxiety Driving Me Nuts-> DO ALL THE THINGS -> stress!! -> stimulation burst because of stress -> overwork -> over-stimulated -> burnout -> depression -> under-stimulated

The neurospice flows strong in this one

Two plus two is four, minus one that’s three QUICK MATHS! -Roadman Shaq

That object, my friend, is me.

I find it easier to make friends with people that are also on the spectrum and then other stuff comes on top of it, rather than trying to find friends through a shared interest and then trying to adjust to normies strange way of being 😅 (although it seems that many of my friends that I made through a shared interest in the first place later turned out to be on the spectrum…)

You can definitely split the Elvanse capsule for a smaller dose, it’s safe and doesn’t affect the drug itself. Where I live Elvanse is so expensive it would make sense to try and get as high dose as possible and just split it to smaller doses to save money. The price is like 95-135€ for 30 capsules… Also a good-to-know that doctors don’t tell but should: 2 grams of vitamin C should get rid of most of the drug in your system in about an hour or so, take with plenty of water and prepare to piss a lot. For example if you have problems falling asleep or feel like it’s lasting too long you could try if vitamin C helps. Also if you accidentally take too much. I wonder why the doctors don’t often mention about this because taking vit-C supplements will lessen the effect of Elvanse.

And like the others said, it will take a while to get used to the drug. There’s also the “wow-factor” in the beginning that might make the effect of the drug feel stronger. But it’s a good idea to start with a smaller dose first. No need to force yourself and feel uncomfortable with too big a dose.

Well I did self-medicate a bit while waiting for the actual diagnosis and I think that would be valuable information for the doctor as well, only if I could tell about it honestly. The meds can be used to validate the diagnosis after all. But it also gave me insight on what works and what doesn’t and how. Where I live one has to try 2 different meds (usually both are methylphenidate) before lisdexamphetamine and for me at least the mf’s cause quite awful side-effects (like dissociation) which elvanse doesn’t so at least now I know not to force myself to the bad ones and go through the process to get to the ones that actually do the trick.

Substance abuse is pretty common among ADHD people but you can’t get the diagnosis if you admit that or get caught in the screening (drug tests are also required here for the meds). Probably many drug users too have ADHD but they never got proper diagnosis and treatment and never will.

You are not alone with those thoughts. My partner got diagnosed some months ago, and at first they were a bit doubtful of the whole thing, but as there are people in the family who also have ADHD recently diagnosed, they decided to get tested and the psychiatrist said it’s as clear as can be.

After the diagnosis everything kinda clicked into place and things suddenly made sense. My partner was afraid the meds would change their personality, and they have to some extent, but it’s all positive tbh now that the meds are correct. The person is the same, but the edges are not as sharp as before. It took a while to find the right meds and the ones they tried first caused quite a lot of mood swings etc. But for my partner the meds are life-changing. Same i’ve heard from the other family member who was first misdiagnosed and unsuccesfully treated for depression and bipolar disorder for several years.

But of course people are different and not all benefit from the meds. I just booked an appointment to a psychiatrist as I suspect being on the spectrum and that being partially reason for my mental health issues and other troubles. Mostly I’m looking for a reason, apart from me being a lousy human, for all of this and at this point I’d be relieved to hear that I’m not responsible of all the difficulties I experience.

There is a downside to the diagnosis though as doctors sometimes treat/face neurospicy people different than neurotypicals. But apart from that nobody needs to know about your diagnosis unless you want to share.

Composting outhouse with styrofoam seat is actually really nice :D especially if it’s used enough to keep the composting going, then when it’s really cold outside one may experience the joy of steamy composting shit warming up your butt while going on your business. Not too bad even in the Finnish winter. Cold plastic seat in the outhouse is the worst.

Finland

0-5 year olds Kindergarten (voluntary)

6 y.o.'s pre-school (mandatory since 2018)

Grades 1-6 in comprehensive school are called “low school” (mandatory) Grades 7-9 in comprehensive school are called “high school” (mandatory)

Second degree years 1-3 (mandatory since 2021), you choose either “upper secondary (gymnasium)” or vocational school (or both).

And if you wish to study further university/uni of applied sciences. Basically everyone does their masters (3+2 years) if they choose uni. Uni of applied sciences is usually 3 years.

----- three!

1. Cold old house with memories about white cats, whipping sticks and aluminium candy wrappers
2. Burning the old house
3. Cat is my only friend but it has fleas and I slept on the livingroom floor because mice were making noise inside the roof and I was scared
4. Alone but books, except that one time when I was napping and uninvited people came over
5. When the periods came I was never ready and at that moment my childhood ended
6. Moving away and back again and again, why won’t you just separate?
7. I got a pair of fancy new shoes but others bullied me and I never wore them again
8. Finally that shitshow ended and I’m on my own
9. Years of angry and alternative truths
10. Years of realization and actual truths
11. What the hell am I supposed to do now?
12. Darkness has settled but I can’t and the neighbours are banging doors and it sounds like shooting
13. Finally something good
14. And then people and animals die
15. What the hell am I supposed to do now? Pt. 2

I remember the phone number of an older guy i talked online for like a week when I was 13 or so, 20 years ago. Thanks brain. Also thanks for reminding me about all the embarassing/shameful stuff i’ve done over the years. Why not replace those slots with, dunno, SOMETHING USEFUL!

I suppose with this logic cheap sausage is also plant-based

Although there are beers with lactose added (eg milkshake ipas have it for texture and taste), but those are an exception of course.