I mean like awareness that, just under the surface, there are deep explorations waiting for the right time and place to emerge; things you’ve set aside or placed on the back burner but will tackle eventually/many you already have tackled.
Are you deeply self aware of these interests like some kind of list? If so, are these interests deeply connected in your mind to your past explorations and interests like some kind of road map or branching tree structure of thought?
I’m not sure. I think it might be horror or grief, for all the years I didn’t do these things, didn’t let myself feel or even be aware of the existence of feelings that good.
Kinda like a “leaving home” feeling, like I’m going through some door I can’t come back through.
Just trying to put words to it. Not really sure where it comes from. Just cried as I wrote this, and again I’m unsure why.
I think it’s that I really appreciate your asking