As something of a connoisseur of abusive relationships, this pattern is familiar to me.
Yes, I spent all the money on booze and drugs. Yes, again. Yes, I should have done better. But right now, the rent is due today and the kids have no food. If you don’t help out with another $900, they’ll be out on the street and the kids will go into foster care. And you don’t want that, do you? It’s not the kids’ fault, why are you punishing them? Yes, I’ll try to do better going forward, I’ll look at getting help, I really will. But that doesn’t help me now; for now I need you to give me $900.
Next month: guess what?
While you keep rewarding bad behaviour, they’ll keep exploiting you. And they know it. And you know it - you’re making their argument for them. All they need to do is sit back and reel it in.
There won’t be a time in the future when the impact is low enough that you can let them fail without someone getting hurt. They’ll damn well make sure of that; it’s a threat to their whole business model.
So you’ll rescue them again and again, and as soon as your back is turned, they laugh at you for being such a schmuck.
At least, that is, until you don’t. When will that be?
The neat part is that thanks to our system of government, we don’t get to live alone and get healthy. We choose between the one who blows all our money on booze and drugs, and the one who blows all our money on booze and drugs and also beats us and the children mercilessly.
Is that your fault? Fucking no. That’s the lie that has to end, and there’s no non-painful way to do that.
You have to let them fail, and be loud about the fact you’re doing it. There’s no good time for an intervention, it’s always going to be a crisis, and frankly it has to be one anyway. Daddy isn’t going to bail them out this time, shit just got real.
Yes, you have to live with the consequences too; they aren’t bluffing either.
As something of a connoisseur of abusive relationships, this pattern is familiar to me.
Yes, I spent all the money on booze and drugs. Yes, again. Yes, I should have done better. But right now, the rent is due today and the kids have no food. If you don’t help out with another $900, they’ll be out on the street and the kids will go into foster care. And you don’t want that, do you? It’s not the kids’ fault, why are you punishing them? Yes, I’ll try to do better going forward, I’ll look at getting help, I really will. But that doesn’t help me now; for now I need you to give me $900.
Next month: guess what?
While you keep rewarding bad behaviour, they’ll keep exploiting you. And they know it. And you know it - you’re making their argument for them. All they need to do is sit back and reel it in.
There won’t be a time in the future when the impact is low enough that you can let them fail without someone getting hurt. They’ll damn well make sure of that; it’s a threat to their whole business model.
So you’ll rescue them again and again, and as soon as your back is turned, they laugh at you for being such a schmuck.
At least, that is, until you don’t. When will that be?
The neat part is that thanks to our system of government, we don’t get to live alone and get healthy. We choose between the one who blows all our money on booze and drugs, and the one who blows all our money on booze and drugs and also beats us and the children mercilessly.
Yay democracy!
Ok, you’ve convinced me. Who do we vote for, and how does that help?
Anyone you feel represents your position.
Could that result in a shitty outcome? Sure.
Is that your fault? Fucking no. That’s the lie that has to end, and there’s no non-painful way to do that.
You have to let them fail, and be loud about the fact you’re doing it. There’s no good time for an intervention, it’s always going to be a crisis, and frankly it has to be one anyway. Daddy isn’t going to bail them out this time, shit just got real.
Yes, you have to live with the consequences too; they aren’t bluffing either.
This sounds like the advice given by shitty parents.
So you don’t have a candidate to suggest? Because I don’t, either.