Almost all my life I’ve absolutely despised children. Pretty much from the moment I stopped being a child I’ve hated being around children.
It doesn’t even matter what the child is doing. Whether they’re laughing and having fun or screaming and throwing a tantrum. The sound of a child being loud activates an almost primal rage that I can barely contain.
I’ve had to leave social gatherings/restaurants/grocery stores all because if I’d stayed I’d have made a complete ass of myself by screaming at a child just for existing.
It’s even worse with infants which makes me feel horrible because I know they can’t help it. I know the kids don’t know any better and it’s our job as adults to get them through childhood, but my blood boils when they get loud or demand attention.
Has anyone else dealt with something like this? Is there anything I can do to stop from getting so angry?
I’m just a dickhead on the Internet, but what you’re describing doesn’t sound normal or healthy to me. Have you tried therapy?
I’ve done therapy a few times now and we never really covered this.
It doesn’t help that I live in a small town so the therapists here are extremely underqualified for actual mental illness and not just helping people through “tough” times
There’s such a thing as remote therapy.
Betterhelp was selling medical information to facebook so make sure you find someplace legitimate to get help
I’ve tried that more times than actual in person therapy and it’s extremely hard for me to form the emotional attachment necessary for me to let my guard down and bare my thoughts and feelings.
It feels so fake and forced. I feel more like a subject being examined than a patient there for care
Your mileage may vary, but have you tried over the phone instead of video chat (if it’s an option where you live)? I felt exactly the same about video, but something about over the phone felt chill, I could just “chat with a friend” in my pajamas. Helped me a lot and neither my therapist or I ever actually saw each other.
That’s not a terrible idea. They might even tell you that your emotions are not uncommon and give you some tips for dealing with it.
Or something else could be going on and you could get some more complete therapy.
Source: being some other jerk on the Internet.
Whether they’re laughing and having fun or screaming and throwing a tantrum. The sound of a child being loud activates an almost primal rage that I can barely contain.
This is actually a neurological thing. It has a name and everything (though I can’t recall what the name is). A lot of people on the spectrum have it. You may want to talk to a therapist about it, if this isn’t merely hyperbole.
Misophonia is the thing you’re describing.
That’s the fear of soy paste.
That’s misophobia, misophonia is when you don’t like how soy paste sounds.
Soy paste sounds would absolutely trigger misophonia for me, so you’re not wrong! Haha.
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As dumb as this comment is, you’ve just guaranteed that I’ll never forget the name of this problem, so thanks for that
That´s Misophobia 👨🔬
I have this too. The sound of chewing is like nails on a chalkboard all through my bones. It’s awful.
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Oh just what I need more evidence.
Never hurts to check.
Unless you’re American and don’t have health insurance. Then it might hurt.
I have it. The sounds of people eating, especially slurping or crunching, are literally repulsive. I have to have something else to train my focus on or else I’ll get up and bolt.
Other repetitive sounds trigger it too: people popping gum, chewing ice, clipping fingernails, etc. But not too bad with keyboards and typing.
I’m not sure if I have it or I’m just an irritable asshole, but I certainly gave pause when I first read about it because plenty of sounds people make absolutely do feel like a nail being driven into my brain, inducing a feeling of unrepentant anger that is tough to let go of. Though, they’re usually sounds most people also find irritating. Like lip smacking and nostril wheezing. At what point is it not simply a common irritation and it becomes a disorder? 🤔
When it affects your relationships and your life. My wife has a complex now about crunching in front of me and chooses food accordingly, which makes me feel terrible.
Or when I can’t focus on what my boss is saying because she’s eating almonds while she talks.
I just try to find coping behaviors and sometimes literally bite my lip to get thru some situations.
she’s eating almonds while she talks.
eating while talking is just rude
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See a shrink you have at minimum anger management problems being triggered here. Anxiety and perhaps some form of neurological disorder if you’re sensitive to loud noises in general but it’s worth finding out to manage it.
I’m wondering if you’ve got Misophonia
My first thought as well.
Wow I had never heard of this. Interesting.
I know of one person in my wider circle who reacts also pretty bad when children are being children around him. In his childhood, every time he was loud, wanted attention, or just did what a child does, his parents (they did not even want children; he was an “accident”) got really angry at him. So children being children is a trigger for him.
Talking to a trained professional helped him immensely to handle this.
I recognize everything you’re saying, and I know it’s presumptuous, but I doubt it’s actually hatred. It’s a very visceral reaction that turns into frustration because it’s often situations you can’t change or extricate yourself from. And if there’s no outlet, anger/rage is one of the easiest emotions. Maybe you should look up Misophonia and see if you recognize it. It won’t fix your issue, but it might help to put a name to it, to know you’re not crazy and you’re definitely not alone. For me it’s not just kids, I also need to get away when I hear people eat. Loud eaters just kill my apetite instantly and the response to it is physical. I just can’t be around it.
Whenever kids make noise, I get this uncontrollable, physical reaction. It’s kind of like nails on blackboard stuff, you know, but a thousand times worse? All it makes me do is wanting to get the fuck out of there. I can actually FEEL it. It’s visceral. And I know they’re not doing it on purpose, and I would never ever let the kid know, because it’s not their fault. But I just can’t deal with it. It’s so bad that I’ve gotten off buses/trams when some baby starts crying, just to wait at the stop for the next one. I’ve actually exited stores, when kids are being loud, which as you know, in some stores is pretty useless because there are almost always kids around. Internet really saved me there, I haven’t been shopping in years, just order pretty much everything online. The worst time for me was a flight where I got stuck with a screaming 4-year old for hours, which actually brought me to tears from frustration, because I couldn’t leave and I couldn’t blame the kid, especially because his mom was a total moron and only made it worse by yelling. Luckily the flight was only a few hours across Europe and not transatlantic, because I might have offed myself.
Sadly I don’t have a fix for you, but if you find one, please let me know. ;) I’ve been luckier than some, in that I only have one sibling, who also doesn’t want kids, and while I do have 2 cousins with kids, we never see each other, which is mostly because I moved abroad over a decade ago. Avoiding places where kids congregrate is easier if there are no kids in your social circle, although of course you can never avoid them 100% of the time.
I’m neridivergent and have issues with misophonia. Your description of listening to people eat was spot on. Hearing people chew food or smack gum makes me want to smack the gum the fuck up out of their mouth. I like these people but the reaction that misophonia causes in me feels barely containable. I’ve had to walk away from people to collect myself or have someone else help customers because of the physical and psychological reaction it causes. It feels violent and torturous. I also have this same reaction to kids and babies being loud or crying. Yes, your crotch goblin is cute. Yes, I recognize that they are kids and these things aren’t controllable. But that doesn’t stop me from having serious sound stimulation overloads that bring me to the brink of sanity, that’s not controllable either no matter how much I wish it was. .
OP, best way to deal with it if it is a misophonia issue is to carry around ear plugs or do what I do and get some nice noise cancelling earbuds. If you’re in a situation that you cant use these things, like a family gathering of people who won’t understand what you’re going through, take frequent breaks. Go outside, go take a breather on the bathroom, talk with someone you trust and see if they will step aside with you for a bit because I’m 100% sure there are others there that don’t want to hear the kids being loud.
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Seek mental help from a therapist for a start. Instead of talking to people online that you have no idea what their intentions are or which way they wanna steer you best bet is get therapy…you need it.
OP, don’t feel alone or hopeless. There are more of us out here who know exactly what you’re describing because we experience it ourselves.
It doesn’t mean you’re a bad person or that it’s your fault for experiencing this - there’s not much you can do to “fix” it, if anything. I’ve been to a therapist and medical professionals, and basically noise cancelling AirPods or ear plugs in public are the only solution. And maybe some medications.
We used to have neighbors with several small children who would - at the same time every day - go play in their backyard. Normal kid thing. But if I was outside, I’d have to go back in. The frequency or pitch or whatever you want to call it of the loud shrieks was literally painful. I would cry.
I see other replies saying it may be a factor of you not being able to express yourself in the same way as a child. I wasn’t either because my mom is terrified of the outside world & it would make her think I was in danger. Whether this played a role or not I have no idea. I don’t want to attribute it to purely psychological reasons when it sounds like there is potentially also an actual physical medical explanation. Maybe it’s a combination, maybe not. Who knows.
It’s a fact of life that IMO you cannot control and will have to have a plan for if and when it occurs. Earplugs, leaving the triggering situation, medication, I hope you find something that works. It is fucking painful. And I can’t control that. And it’s no one’s fault…we just try to avoid situations where young children will be present (which is really fucking hard at times for a woman, btw…baby showers! Parties where the women are expected to be the caretakers because….uterus, I suppose?).
Anyway, best of luck to you, it’s not your fault, and feel free to reach out any time.
You were writing it before i could :
Quick fix : good ear plugs 😄👍 (and the rest of your comment is very nice as well : that, I could not have written)P.S. : Hey cat, please tell me : do you like this song : Supertramp - School (1974) - Crime of the Century (album) ? (Warning : sounds of children playing) … and also I am thinking : maybe desensitization would work ?
Are you a cat?
I have exactly the same. Therapy doesn’t work. There is no cure other than faking it. You have to let your rational mind win from that primal repulsive feeling. I also feel immense guilt for feeling this way about innocent little humans.
I still avoid children when I can. This has created a gap between my friends and me, they all have kids. I never go to their place, we always meet in public. I never told them but I think they know, because they don’t treat me differently when I tactically withdraw when children get involved.
Interestingly this is measurable. I have a garmin watch and whenever children are close for 15 mins, I get a relaxation reminder telling me to do breathing exercises. So this mental defect manifests itself physically.
Interestingly this is measurable. I have a garmin watch and whenever children are close for 15 mins, I get a relaxation reminder telling me to do breathing exercises. So this mental defect manifests itself physically.
A stress response is a stress response. When you’re feeling that fight/flight response, it’s not just in your brain. Maybe you have a bit of a mind/body/heart disconnect - I realized I did many years ago in therapy when I was upset about something and he asked where I felt it and I asked what he meant. I’ve worked on it since, paying attention to whether I feel a tightness in my throat, stomach, chest, butterflies, etc. It’s helped me notice patterns I didn’t before.
I got 3 kids, don’t blame you one bit. Don’t feel guilty about it, I think it’s normal. Kids are stressful as fuck.
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At some point, i did what you said and stopped judging the kid for how they are. It was mostly from the sadness of knowing the world they will have to explore, as adults, a world that will be extremely competitive and aggressive. I wanted to shield them from it all and make them live a stable, happy life. At least until they start becoming more independent. Eventually, we all have to let them live their own life.
That’s the neat part, you don’t
I hated children until I had friends who are great parents and have great kids. I found out that I hate shitty parents, not kids. You can’t turn this comment into actionable life advice, I’m afraid.
I used to think “good” kids had “good” parents and vice versa but I learned this isn’t always the case. I should have realized, I was only such a “good” (quiet) kid because my parents scared me. I didn’t feel safe. But some good parents raise genuinely respectful yet also self-respecting kids.
My mom said she used to judge parents with bad kids, the ones having tantrums in the store, etc. “My kids would never do that”, she assumed she was doing something right and they were bad parents . "Then God gave me Janet ". My little sister, who was a tantrum throwing hellion of a little kid and the teenager who got brought home by the cops.
She’s a lovely person as an adult though.
THIS. Good parents are rare. I have one friend that has somehow raised 3 amazing kids. Don’t get me wrong, they occasionally act up, but on the whole I spend more time admiring how smart and thoughtful they are for 9, 13 and 15 year olds.
I used to hate kids. I gradually got over it in the course of 40 odd years. I still hate parents and can’t control their kids, but I don’t blame the children.
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Very good observation
I don’t know how much patience you have for long term efforts. I have done this for other issues. Meditate on it. Spend initially 5 minutes a day and then lengthen and increase frequency to something like 10-20 minutes 2-3x a day. Figure out what works for you.
Recreate the situations and scenarios where you get triggered. And be in the situation. Stew in it. Notice more and more how you react. What is happening before your reaction? What is happening in the space between each reaction. You most likely will not find out the solution while in meditation. But the meditation will ingrain the ability to slow your processes down. So when you’re back in the situation you will start noticing the issues that are making you lose it.
Once armed with that knowledge you’ll either find new coping mechanisms or you’ll have better information for a mental health professional to help you see those new coping mechanisms.
Rinse and repeat.
Are you diagnosed neurodiverse? This is a common trait.
