Hi my fellow Lemmy users! It’s been a while since I used this platform and boy did I actually miss you all ❤️
It’s just that I’ve been more so focusing on myself in my career and in my own education. So I graduated back in June and man it sure does feel like a lifetime ago already. Settled in a good paying job and still trying to improve myself wherever I can.
This brings us to the question that I wanted to ask everyone here. As I’ve been very focused on academics and career stuff I never had the opportunity to date and I’ve been rejected very frequently (which is to be expected as a man tbh). I haven’t been able to lose weight and that I’m 25 years old.
I know that’s still pretty young but I still feel so behind on dating tbh. Is it still too late for me to find someone I want to be with after I’ve lost weight? Does losing weight help for men as it does for women? I’ve been trying to join meetups, volunteering (just to meet new people tbh) and really put myself out there. It’s just idk like all my friends are committed and I’m just floating around life whilst focusing on my career.
I’m 25 years old.
No. The answer is no. Unless you were exclusively looking to date leonardo dicaprio, 25 is not too old
Maybe I’m just in a good mood, but I saw that and about died. Thanks for the chortle and subsequent coughing fit.
I’m not even saying this to be nice. You are 25. You’re a baby. You may feel like you are old. But you are not. Not even close.
Ever hear the saying “youth is wasted on the young”? This is why people say it. Hindsight is gonna slap you in the face when you are actually old. You’re fine. It’s not too late.
Man I’m over here reading this post in my 30s like dude what? For real.
44 checking in.
Yeah, while I don’t think it’s ever too late to find love 25 certainly is, I was a bit younger but over twenty when I had my first relationship.
Also try to not focus too much on your weight. I know society™/capitalism wants you to think you’re unlovable if you’re fat but that is obviously bs. If you want to loose weight do it but to it for yourself first (maybe try to get fit and not loose weight per se?). Love is not only about looks.
I am 25
Lmao. That’s literally the age humans stop maturing.
You’re in your theoretical prime.
Now’s the time to make it happen if anything. You can be and do whatever you make of yourself.
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Even 30s is pretty good age to be.
I’m not really sure where you’re going with this. What’s the alternative, just working yourself to death? You can date whenever you decide to date.
Everyone’s life is different. Some people are married, have kids, and divorce before they can even have a legal drink. Others kind of slowly see a friendship morph into a long term relationship without them even noticing. Still others are happy to be free and unattached. Your story is your own, on your own timeline.
If you have a more specific concern (which I think you do), such as how to meet people after 25, try posting that as its own question to the right audience. Just be careful to avoid the toxic areas, like incels.
Okay, well here’s the alternative. This is something I don’t expect anyone to understand but its okay. My parents and my family in general are very very conservative (basically I grew up Muslim) and I am not a practicing Muslim anymore because my values don’t align with each other. So its just me now even though I do talk to my family and everything where we keep everything cordial. Its just that they’re forcing me to marry someone of my ethnicity with someone who THEY like not me. I know the obvious for some is to stand your ground to which I do and every time they talk about my marriage I do stand my ground. It sounds as a man like yay I don’t have make so much effort just to get married or anything but for me I care about my values more. I am very left-wing and liberal also pretty much westernized as I felt at home more in the US that I ever did in my life tbh.
This is why I am just so stressed about marriage and dating too. Cause if I did find someone, at least my family could back off and they’ll realize that I have my own life here and there’s nothing they can do so they’ll accept it. But right now they know that I am trying to date an American woman who I get along much more its just me idk and they’re trying to stop that by getting me married to someone they so I can conform to their liking and to the culture I grew up hating so much because I felt like an outsider tbh.
There’s quite a lot to unpack there. I don’t think anyone likes the idea of a forced marriage, especially with someone you do not like. Your relationship with your parents is its own discussion, and sounds complicated. A simple answer would be a “beard”, but that creates its own web of lies.
You’ve probably heard that love comes when you least expect it, which also doesn’t easily fit into your plans. Desperately seeking a partner is probably the least effective way to find one. You need to be able to have a relaxed approach, and let the chips fall where they may.
As difficult as it is, I recommend trying to forget about meeting a potential wife, and instead try to meet people in general. Attend whatever group events are happening for whatever you’re interested in. Make (platonic) friends with people there. If the existing events don’t lead to friendships, branch into new ones. Ever wanted to cook? Take a cooking class. Does bowling sound like fun? Join a league.
Eventually, one of these will lead to someone that’s interested. It may not be someone in the group, either. It could be a friend of a friend, or someone that you meet randomly. They see you having fun, and conversation can start from there.
Also, learn how to carry a conversation. This is critical to opening the doors to a date, or date #2. There are a variety of books, videos, seminars, etc that can help
There is a lot of great advice in this thread, but I just want to post a quote that I like the meaning. ‘Women are not a objective, they’re a consequence’. So invest in yourself, like so many others have said, and get out there and something will happen.
my friend, I grew up in a religious cult and did not date until my mid 20s. Had sex for first time at age 24.
I’m doing fine now. If I can do it, so can anyone!
At 25 its when my fun started. It wasn’t even planned, we were supposed to have a drink off. Queue 4 years of relationship.
As far as losing weight goes, the importance of that will really depend on the type of person you want to date. If you’re only attracted to people who put a lot of effort into their fitness and appearance, you’ll have to do the same. If that’s not as important to you though, there are definitely options out there. Online dating might be rough, but being kind, respectful, comfortable in who you are, and open minded will take you a long way.
I agree in many ways, though I’d say go find a hobby or hangout where you can meet new people. Not a bar unless you drink often and want to keep doing so. A hobby that interests you will find you people who find what you find interesting, interesting.
…why would it be too late for you to date? People want companionship throughout their lives…
Thanks for responding to my post! It’s just that, I come from an immigrant background and I never really had the chance to date tbh. It’s just my thinking is that the longer it’ll take to find someone the more likely I’ll be seen as a walking red flag. Sure I’ll hopefully be in a good position career wise, great social life but never having had dated anyone isn’t a good look. It’s just in my experience a lot of people brushed me off cause of that so it just makes me feel trapped I guess. That’s why I felt that it’ll be too late.
Just stay away from all dating advice for men, be honest, learn to care about other people if you don’t already, and you’ll be fine.
“Comparison is the thief of joy.”
You’re still really young.
First, getting an education and getting a career going is a great start. It shows a level of maturity and that your life is moving in a positive direction. That’s a big plus.
Second, you mention that you’re from an immigrant culture. That might be skewing how you perceive the age vs relationship factor. In the US, it varies widely by socioeconomic class and geography, but just starting to get out there at 25 isn’t that unusual and shouldn’t raise a lot of red flags. I wouldn’t lead with it as an intro statement, but if it comes up naturally after a few dates with the same person, they’ll have the context to understand rather than rush to judgment.
Getting in shape generally only helps - it’s also a signal indicating that you have your life on the right track and do self care - but charisma isn’t all about weight or even appearance. You should be able to talk great, listen great, or both.
I agree, it is definitely skewing how I perceive the age vs relationship when I see a lot of people who’ve been in relationships multiple times before they hit 25 when I moved to the US when I was like 19. Other things that could be skewing how I perceive is how I think I look which is another reason why I am trying to lose weight as well. Thank you for your reply tho, I really appreciate it.
The only red flags in a real relationship are how you treat the other person and yourself. Don’t put dating on a pedestal. It’s just 2 people hanging out and getting to know one another.
It’s not the same for everybody. Some people find lots of success with apps. Others meet people at social events. Some meet at work. Just be yourself around people and pay attention to who you jive with on a personal level.
Weight shouldn’t be a problem. The reality is that everybody has things they are attracted to and for some people weight can be a factor. Only loose weight for your own happiness, though. Don’t do it to attract a partner because that’s not a good way to maintain a lifestyle change and your own happiness is paramount with changes like that.
You need to remember your target demographic will be in the same situation and likely empathetic.
One of my coworkers struggles with this too, but maybe for different reasons.
My coworker projects that he just wants a long term relationship. That’s fine and dandy on the surface, but hear me out for a second. Would you rather date someone who loves you specifically, or someone who just wants to be in a relationship? Would you rather be with someone who finds you amazing, or someone who is only dating you because other people their age are dating?
This can also cause the person you’re interested in to be concerned about whether you are who you say you are. It may cause them to question if you did really fall for them, or if you’re playing the part to avoid being single. People who have experienced that will be more cautious dating anyone who just wants to be with someone.
I’m not saying that’s the case for you, but I’ve seen it happen a lot. I think that’s also a part of what people mean when they tell you to focus on building yourself up, and to let love happen when it happens. Don’t be like my coworker.
You are still very young, and you have a lifetime ahead of you. Don’t count yourself out yet.
If that’s the case then that makes sense. Its just that if I stop going out there, I said in my other comment that no one will come to be or I’m just you know alone but not in a good way. There is nothing wrong with being alone but for me its that my family is really forcing me to get married to someone they like and things I value are very different from what the girl my family wants me to marry. I know its fucked up but here we are.
I had some friends who got married and started their family at 40 years old. You’re fine.
I didn’t start till I was 25. You have nothing to worry about.
Here is a shitty little secret: as long as you are clean and look clean your physical appearance isn’t the problem.
You either haven’t had time to interact with enough people to find someone compatible, you dont know how to treat the people you’re interested in dating like they’re normal people, or you don’t have the spaces to meet people in.
That last one is really common. If people can ambiently hang out and form community in a space, it tends to be an unprofitable use of those spaces, so they keep disappearing.
For me its the latter cause its hard to find like-minded people and to keep it going. Life is already hard for a lotta people so friendships suffer so does dating as well cause that’s the easiest as people would let it take the backseat.
You’re only 25, of course you will date. Weight loss is not a barrier to meet people, but if you want to work on that, intermittent fasting works well with many people.
It’s not too late. I met someone when I was 42, now we live together and our son is 8 month old:
(The boy, not the cat)
When it comes to losing weight and dating, at least for me it helped, I guess you get more confident when you lose weight and that attracts women.
Thank you for the clarification.
…Is the cat a boy?
Yes, the cat is actually a boy too, his name is Leo.
Your son is so cute and your cat as well! This is something I’ve always wanted, a family of my own even with how difficult it can be raise a child and everything. Idk there is something fulfilling for me when it comes to family but I really appreciate you sharing that and your advice as well
